I did it. I had just moved to a new town, and the woman i was living with, someone i thought was totally awesome, hooked me in to circle with the special members only language. I felt special, i felt seen, i felt inspired. i wanted to feel powerful and financially cared for. i wanted women. i stepped in.
i gave half a gift. 2500. i was half backed. i had the money, since my grandmother passed on some cash for my graduate schooling. it felt like a no brainer. i thought id be through in a year.
i circled with my crew of women for 4 years. i only shifted positions as women dropped out. I joined before the big cult frenzy that swept over the west coast. i was in entree for two years. aside from seeing the circle birth as i stepped in, i never saw it birth. my friend and housemate was dessert for 4 years. it was nuts.
luckily for us we were in circle with some of our best friends. as more women dropped out, i called in my friends to the backed positions. eventually i was meeting on the phone 1x a week with my closest friends. i thought it was good. i believed in the power of generosity. We weren’t pushing. we were ‘trusting’
when the frenzy came, circles around me were bursting. i was invited in one month to join 10 different circles. i felt the heat, the lust, the greed, the desire, the hungry ghost in me. i felt anger and resentment for how long id been in an unbirthed circle. i joined two other circles in backed positions, and was hunting. i became a hunter. i felt myself change into something i hated. as quickly as i had joined, i stepped out of the other two circles.
i was left with my original crew, my ladies. we decided to put it down. felt so much relief.
i made space for tremendous gifts to come in, collaborations, other opportunities to circle with women.
My experience wasn’t a complete shit show. When i gave my gift, i believed in it. i did prayer and ceremony to release my attachment to the cash. i knew on a gut feeling it wasn’t coming back to me through circle. i mourned that early on, and chose to stay the ride, to get the teachings. in honoring my own giving, within a month of giving my gift i received 5000 spontaneously from a friend who wanted to support my art. I also got a job offer that paid me 3X what i was making before. I saw the power of generosity flood into my life. i knew there was magic happening due to my prayers.
I also got really good at being accountable to weekly meetings, and facilitating women’s circles. i learned a shit ton about my ladies. we bonded. nothing will come between us. i am glad to say that no one walked away with shit feelings, and we had an incredible journey of deepening. we are all still close as hell, and continue to collaborate in women’s work together.
gifting circles are a complex deal. i see now that they are not what they seemed to me at 23 years old. i see i gained immense benefit from them, far beyond the 2500 i chose to give. i also see that i am blessed i didn’t have shittier karma with the whole deal. i am grateful i didn’t receive any money directly from that wheel. there are many sides, but i do believe that i was blessed to circle with women who were not in it for the greed, but who were cherishing each other and the power of generosity.
together as a circle we went out of our way to donate to organizations, we encouraged each other to up level our own integrity and benefit of others. we joined a magnetic container because of the promise of high level money coming out, and i still believe the resource promised is on its way to us all, just not the way we thought. and I’m ok with that.
i do feel saddened by the stories i hear, and i am not advocating for circles. i don’t think they are a good idea. but i also think that personal perspective and karma has a lot to do with how it occurs for individuals.
Gifting Circle Stories 