I did it. I had just moved to a new town, and the woman i was living with, someone i thought was totally awesome, hooked me in to circle with the special members only language. I felt special, i felt seen, i felt inspired. i wanted to feel powerful and financially cared for. i wanted women. i stepped in.
i gave half a gift. 2500. i was half backed. i had the money, since my grandmother passed on some cash for my graduate schooling. it felt like a no brainer. i thought id be through in a year.
i circled with my crew of women for 4 years. i only shifted positions as women dropped out. I joined before the big cult frenzy that swept over the west coast. i was in entree for two years. aside from seeing the circle birth as i stepped in, i never saw it birth. my friend and housemate was dessert for 4 years. it was nuts.
luckily for us we were in circle with some of our best friends. as more women dropped out, i called in my friends to the backed positions. eventually i was meeting on the phone 1x a week with my closest friends. i thought it was good. i believed in the power of generosity. We weren’t pushing. we were ‘trusting’
when the frenzy came, circles around me were bursting. i was invited in one month to join 10 different circles. i felt the heat, the lust, the greed, the desire, the hungry ghost in me. i felt anger and resentment for how long id been in an unbirthed circle. i joined two other circles in backed positions, and was hunting. i became a hunter. i felt myself change into something i hated. as quickly as i had joined, i stepped out of the other two circles.