First off, I am SO happy that I did not receive a dime of another woman’s money in a circle. Knowing I had gained from someone else’s loss would haunt me much worse than the loss I did take. I don’t like being hurt, but I can’t stand hurting others.
I joined a circle after seeing loads of my ‘friends’ having amazing experiences, not just financially, but really seeming to be transformed and empowered in other areas of their lives. Initially, my intuition said, “Oh Hell Naw”, however, I was intrigued.. It kept surfacing. “It’s so amazing!”, they would say.
If you know me, I tend to be quite cynical. Sure, I am also made of rainbows and unicorns, but I go both ways, pretty far on the spectrum. I am not afraid of shadows, and have plenty of vulture and bone to complement my sparkles. I have often times ostracized myself by being the one to call bullshit, or for standing against injustice. People don’t always like the honest ones, I have learned. I had been feeling a little on the outskirts and jaded already after leaving some community endeavors after calling out major holes in integrity.
I began to think that perhaps, something was wrong with me. Maybe I am too judgmental, perhaps I just do not trust enough, and that’s why I end up in situations where I find others out of integrity… It must be my own reflection, right? Because I am so untrusting, I must attract untrustworthy people in to my life. It must be my own fault… was the thinking.
I heard of how these circles revolutionized trust, and were apparently renewing and strengthening trust amongst women in the community. I really wanted that. I really wanted to experience full trusting and honoring relations with the women in my community. I really wanted to break through whatever cynicism, self-doubt, or negative beliefs that were holding me back. I wanted to transform, and the money, was just a symbol. It was a symbol of trust. In order to lay down a chunk of cash like that, you have to muster up some major trust (and yes, naivete, for sure, a dash of stupidity, and one lock of sheep’s hair). I had never done anything like this before, as I would normally watch from the outskirts, and miss out on all the fun. I wanted to experience something different this time. I joined a circle, and began the journey. Continue reading